[aprssig] New APRS Baby-on-board symbol ?
vk2tv at exemail.com.au
Fri Aug 22 02:19:59 EDT 2008
Jan T. Pharo wrote:
>Maybe the thread now has become _VERY_ american with firearms. In my
>view, we're now far away from the topic.
>On our side of the Atlantic, we're dealing with most situations
>without firearms, and are somewhat estranged by the ever returning
>debates particularly from the USA around weapons.
Perhaps this is what Jan was trying to say, or perhaps it's what he
would like to have said :-) ...
A Message from John Cleese - British comedian
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and
territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a
Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether
any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour',
'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize'
will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be
adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the
elimination of -ize.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers
and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough
to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist
then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required
if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you
will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect
and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you
have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon.
Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call
French Fries are not real chips, and those things you insist
on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not
with catsup but with vinegar.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and
accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound
for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can
only be due to the beer.
They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it
did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine,
so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast
English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in
Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having
one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one
kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave
enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some
similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping
for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby -
the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not
played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware
that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is
understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face
the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure
the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups,
with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies)
and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God save the Queen.
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